In Praise of Women

“I’m sorry” were the words my girlfriend heard over and over again after the man she married struck out at her and he quickly followed that apology with, “I promise it will never happen again!” Unfortunately for her, it did happen again and again and again until one day, she lay dead on the kitchen floor. Despite my ardent attempts to convince her to get out, she assured me that she was fine and did not need my help. As his abuse escalated, I began making notes of the abuse to which she was subjected and it grew into a litany of pure horror. I went to the police on her behalf but they told me that in spite of my concerns that appeared valid, there was nothing they could do without me actually seeing the crime in progress and if charges were to be laid, it would have to be as a result of them being called to a domestic dispute or my girlfriend coming in and lodging a complaint.
You cannot imagine how much I despise her husband and deep down I very much resent my girlfriend for robbing me of our friendship. You see, I believe that a woman who is the subject of abuse, if she stays despite attempts to intercede, she is as much responsible for the outcome as the monster abusing her. I understand brainwashing. Heaven knows that I saw the effects of manipulation, humiliation and the physical abuse. In college, she was a bright, happy young woman with a future that was unstoppable. That is, until she met the young man at a friend’s party. It started off well enough. She seemed even happier than normal, but after she married him and as time wore on, she began to draw into herself and slowly, she cut off ties with her family and most of her friends. According to her, her husband believed that they were holding her back. There became a point in time when she began to withdraw from me but I told her that was not on. I would always be her shadow and I then began to verbalize my concerns. I knew her family well and they were some of the most supportive and loving people I have ever encountered as were most of her close friends.
The thing is, he began the process of isolating her very early on in their relationship. As he escalated his control, he began to tell my girlfriend that she was ugly and that no one else would have her. He would continuously berate her and he gradually convinced her that she was stupid and could do nothing unless it was under his direction. When the hitting began, it was a simple slap. It was a hard slap, mind you, but just a slap. That was not enough for him. Soon he began to close his fist or use things to hit her and she, after his constant berating and after losing her confidence, simply took it.
It sounds as if it should be some young woman who barely got out of elementary school and was indeed stupid to take such abuse. The truth is, my girlfriend was a bright young doctor who married a bright young lawyer.
Abuse crosses over all lines of income and social standing. Abuse has no color nor does it have any rational reason other than complete and abject control. All those times I helped her and guided her away from him, she resisted in spite of her knowledge and reason. Every time I encouraged her to file a report, she refused. Somehow, I can understand why she would refuse in the latter stages of abuse, but in the early days, I hold her responsible for what happened and I hold her responsible for robbing from me a girlfriend who was sweet and funny and a real pleasure to be around. I know that sounds cruel, but even being controlled, she still had the ability to stop what was happening and she elected not to do that. She had it in her mind that she could change him; that he could change himself; that he really loved her. All of which is complete nonsense. You cannot change a man with an abusive personality! Just like you cannot cure a pedophile.
My girlfriend is gone now and I miss her every day. It took me some time to come to grips with her tragic ending and even longer to accept the fact that I had done everything I possibly could (that included kidnapping her and taking her away, but three days later she went back to the man “who loved” her.
There are two morals to this story. The first is that you cannot change an abusive man so do not look upon him as some childish challenge to make him perfect and loving because he will not change. The second is that if you are privy to a friend being abused, do everything you can to help her including making a diary of what she has endured. My diarized notes were used as evidence in his murder trial and became the pivotal chronology that swayed the jury and convicted him to a life in prison. Most of all, love your friend and in spite of everything, tell her she is too special to let go of and that you will always love her.
I know I will always love my girlfriend and if there is a heaven, she will be there making everyone smile.

It is said that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” and that is certainly the case when it comes to any form of cancer. We all know that smoking is a bad thing and causes lung cancer but it is also a major contributor to other forms of cancer as well including ovarian, cervical and bowel. The reason for this is that the carcinogens from tobacco enter your blood stream through the lungs and those carcinogens are carried through your body and deposited in areas other than the lungs. So we all know that ceasing smoking is a prevention as are other generally healthy lifestyles.

It seems that on a regular basis, there is a report that is issued saying that something or another will prevent cancer. Oftentimes, months or even years later, that research is debunked and the opposite is found to be true. There have been reports, very recently, about the positive role analgesics might play in preventing breast cancer. For those not sure, analgesics are mild pain medications such as ASA, acetaminophen, and other products that are generally over the counter medications to ease aches and pains. The latest report indicates that there have been some positive evidence that would reduce the risk of developing breast cancer. Unfortunately, one must resist the urge to run out and buy a case of Advil or some other name brand product. First of all, the report is not definitive as to dose or frequency and even Over-The-Counter medications have inherent health risks associated with them. There have been similar studies done in the past and have been refuted by other researchers so one needs to add a modicum of skepticism when reading such research particularly in light of a lack of evidence. Without the proper medical advice, running out and buying a bottle of aspirin might not be in your best interests. Aspirin is a blood thinner and as such, taking too much product could result in damage to your internal organs. Granted, there are milder forms of aspirins available that are manufactured not so much to ease pain but to thin the blood sufficiently to reduce the risk for stroke and heart attack. The principle line of reason in the prevention of Breast Cancer would be similar. Aspirin or Advil would, it is presumed, create an environment in the breast tissue that would inhibit the growth of cancer cells prior to their initial bonding. Since every human body has cells that are potentially cancerous, this is a good thing. But if you are taking a medication for prevention, you do not want to create another health problem as a result.

At the present time, it would be best to watch the studies and the progessive reports and keep in contact with your doctor regarding the possibility of using such analgesics and in the meantime, do not presume the accuracy or the veracity of such reports. On the other hand, if they finally present a positive outcome, it is a good thing for all women who have not yet been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and, as we have always advocated prevention both as a medical premise and a lifestyle choice, we believe that it is a much better approach to your healthy life than taking a chance or enduring the treatments associated with Breast Cancer whether they are radical in nature or not so invasive.

Your life is all about striking a perfect, or not so perfect, balance. Your life is about seeing little changes that might make a difference but few take the time to do so. There is no question that women are encouraged to examine their breasts each and every month for signs of change or that dreaded lump and, with any kind of luck, women are doing just that. It is the changes that we look for in our breasts but often do not realize that a change has occurred.

Take for instance your poop. When a digestive tract is operating properly and the diet is well-balanced, stools will sink in the bowl. That is because the body has eliminated the waist in your system properly and your stools do not contain any gases and the fats from your diet have been processed properly. Now, without raising any alarm bells, your diet will change from day to day and your stools may occasionally float and that is not a problem. It happens to everyone. When your poop floats all of the time and never sinks, then there could in fact be a medical problem.

“There are no other symptoms though other than my poop floating,” you may well say. It doesn’t matter. Many diseases in the early stages have little or no symptom association. The only way to be absolutely certain that nothing is wrong is to seek a medical consultation. Few people associate floating stools with one of the worst cancers and that is Cancer of the Pancreas. The Pancreas is responsible for processing waste materials and fat in an efficient manner. When the Pancreas cannot do its job properly, more and more fat is allowed into the waste causing the stool to be lighter and thereby causing it to float. When caught very early, for instance as soon as your stools have been floating for more than 10 or 14 days, the cancer treatment is much more effective and your cure probability is much higher. Of course, if you ignore it due to embarrassment of having to tell a doctor that your poop is floating, then your survival rate begins to diminish until there is no chance of beating this horrible disease.
Everything that your body does is based on cause and effect. If you cut yourself, you will bleed and that is easy to understand. It is the more subtle changes that our bodies go through that tend to be ignored. Now, Pancreatic Cancer is not the only culprit of floating stools. If you are not gaining any weight in spite of your diet and a large intake of food, you might have Celiac Disease a condition in which the celia (tiny hairs in the gastro-intestinal tract) do not funtion properly. This condition is treatable. There are a number of ailments associated with floating poop and you can simply “google” the phrase “floating poop” to find them all.
However, the best way to find out what changes are happening in your body is to seek medical guidance. The internet is a great tool for learning information but to use the internet in lieu of proper medical intervention is not only optimistic, it is irresponsible. Every woman has at least one person in their life who loves them to bits but do not want to love them to death. Get the basic information from the internet, but be good to yourself and have your concerns properly checked out by a medical professional.

Your health is your first responsibility in being the best you can possibly be so take control and observe those subtle little changes without getting overly concerned. As a sports footwear company slogan would say, “Just Do It”.